Fallout Equestria: Steel Chicken Edition

Seeking to at least make her new situation feel a little less extremely wrong, Gallivanter decided that a smartass comment would help things and went with. “Hey, I was always into mares. Don’t need some stupid raygun to do that.” She briefly grinned before almost immediately realising that the smartass approach hadn’t made things go any better than the ‘oh sweet Celestia undo this!’ approach did... “It’s almost as if it’s an incredibly circumstantial experiment that wasn’t meant to be used. What dunderhead decided fiddling with it in an uncontrolled environment was a good idea?” That didn’t, however, mean she wouldn’t keep doing it. Admittedly Galli had totally done the same thing in the past but hey, right now it was Snowflake’s fault so it’s okay.(?)

“Again, no safety feature. And the trigger isn’t even well made. Even in a controlled environment, this thing could have discharged randomly. Seriously, I hope whoever made this got fired.” She put the gun back in the bag. “Look, I’m sorry. I’ll find a way to fix this. I can’t do anything about the gun right now, not without tools. And unless you know where we can find some tonight, we’re just gonna have to live with this mistake for a little while.”

With a sigh Galli went and curled up under a table, looking very sorry for her herself. “Well isn’t this great? One day in and I go from ‘yay, experimental tech’ to too small for my clothes and fucking armour in less time than it takes to say ‘don’t touch that you pair of damned fools’.” Sh sniffed and actually teared up a little, “If somepony who wasn’t borderline crippled a day in couldn’t manage coming back at all what fucking chance do I stand now!?”

Snowy tried giving Galli a supporting smile. “It’ll be okay. I’m sure we can come up with something. You’re only like, one size smaller anyway. Your armor should still be fine for now. Besides, you’re not alone. You’ve got me to help you. Yes, I’m what started this, but I can fix it too. Just give me some time.”

Unfortunately for Snow the winning smile didn’t do much to raise Galli’s spirits. “Oh yeah, it’s so fine I can barely walk in it right now, let alone fight. Along with the added bonus that in the event raiders or some other fuck ups get us they might fill every hole I have and then they might kill me after. Oh, I’m just full of optimism right now.”

Snowy’s smile faltered, and she joined Galli under the table giving her a soft hug. It was not a warm hug, because she hadn’t taken off her armor yet, but it was still a hug. “Listen to me. It’ll be fine. Might not be now, but I have hope. I have…” Something clicked in her head. “I have an idea.” She broke the hug. “I’ll be right back. You just get some food in you and lay low for now.” With that, she dashed out of the diner.

A short time later, Snowy returned with the book wagon, having dragged it back with her. Her armor was a bit dirtier and she was breathing a little heavier however. “Getting this thing out of the ditch… Not easy. Wouldn’t recommend.”

“Well... why did you do it then?” She said, looking perplexed, “How is a book wagon gonna help?”

“Books aren’t gonna help, but the wagon itself will make good cover, and you can ride in it while I pull. It’s better than you trying to drag yourself around with that armor. We can also see about giving your armor a temporary modification to fit your changed form better. I’m no tailor, so I can’t fix your clothes, but we can make this work. I know we can.” Snowy stopped to breathe. “First though, food. Then rest. Then solution.”

Despite nodding Galli wasn’t quite smiling again yet. She was, after all, still feeling pretty down about not beinghimself for the time being but at least Snowflake was making some sort of attempt to make it better. “Well, on the food front we got snack cakes, snack cakes, more snack cake and...” She reached out from under the table and grabbed a can with a rather perky looking griffon on the label. “‘Black Beak Bill’s Whole Canned Cock... 100% succulent bird meat’... well, that’s certainly a brand that existed... so, uhhh, you want to eat cake or stuff some cock in your mouth?” She actually smiled now as she let out a snigger at the rather juvenile attempt at lewd branding. Who would have actually eaten this with a straight face, anyway?

Snowy turned her head, blushing so hard you could probably see it through the helmet. “Um… I’ll take the snack cakes. Coc-ahem, chicken isn’t my thing…” She took a couple snack cakes and began nervously nibbling on them, suddenly not wanting to make eye contact with the can.

“Oh, really?” She grinned and strucka seductive pose, “ You more of a mare’s mare, Snow?” Galli somehow managed to purr sarcastically as she rolled the can around in front of her. “Or are you secretly saving the cock for special occasion~” she couldn’t help but giggle at that last part. Turns out uncomfortable innuendo makes for some very sweet revenge.

Snowy just groaned and buried her face in her hooves. “Oh Goddesses, help me…” She slowly slunk into the wagon, taking her cakes with her. “You’re a baaaaad pony, Galli.”

“I know, I know. You need to fantasise in private about how much of a bad, bad girl I am.” She chuckled before rolling the can off into a corner. “Guess I can save that for later for right now I have cake.” Opening the other box of snack cakes, Galli skipped basic etiquette and just buried her muzzle into them before chowing down. After all it’s not like there was anyone around to see.

No more was said by Snowy, but after a few seconds a blast from her pistol shot from the wagon struck the can, vaporizing the canned cock. When she was done hiding and eating, she finally removed her armor and emerged from the wagon, shuddering. “I hope I never see another can of that again.”

When Snow finally came back out of the wagon she’d see Gallivanter gnawing on what few scraps of charred meat and bones remained from the Canned Cock. “Huh, it’s actually pretty good. Still have a couple of bones for soup, too!”

As the night went on Galli would eventually go and lock herself in the bathroom for the night, the only sound being heard from in there before dawn, besides a brief cry of surprise as one of the ceiling panels came loose and fell next to her head, was some obnoxiously loud snoring.

When dawn finally did finally break she only briefly poked her head out to devour the last couple of snack cakes. As she finished one of her ears briefly twitched before she hastily turned to go back into her little toilet fortress. “I’m gonna go put my armour back on. You just stay hear and make sure... uhhh” She briefly paused before blurting out, “To make sure a bloat sprite doesn’t break through the door! Yeah.” With that she slammed the door behind her and hastily locked it.

Snowy slept in the wagon, not wanting to sleep in the diner now that it smelled like chicken. Luckily for her breakfast, she managed to save one of the cakes for morning. So while Galli locked herself in her Fortress of Toiletude, Snowy put her armor back on and stood watch on top of the diner while she waited for Galli.

Upon reaching the roof it immediately became apparent how unstable the diner actually was. The roof creaked and cracked under Snowflake’s weight and a sizeable hole was left where the panel had fallen off last night. Quite frankly it was a miracle the whole thing hadn’t collapsed on top of Gallivanter during the night.

Despite how the diner was blatantly not up to code it managed to hold itself together long enough for Galli to shakily take her first clumsy steps outside before leaning up against the wagon. For a second she was confused as her ill-fitting armour’s EFS detected Snowflake but it wasn’t long before she did the one thing other Wastelanders never do... She looked up.
“Well are you ready to hit the road or what?”

If the roof creaked under Snowflake’s weight, it would have shattered under the weight of a Steel Ranger. Luckily she wouldn’t have to find out how long it would take for the roof to give out, as she jumped off and went to the front of the wagon once Galli returned. “Yeah, gimme a sec.” She said as she hitched herself up to the wagon. “Alright, hop on in and just point me in the right direction. Also keep an eye out for anything we could use to refit your armor.”

"Well, okay. I mean we'll probably not find anything or anyone for that before New Appleloosa but hey, we might get lucky." She called out, her voice muffled from inside the wagon. "Just, well, try not to get us shot too much?"

Snowflake nodded. “I’ll see what I can do.” And with that, their grand quest continued. Of course, it just consisted of Snowy pulling the wagon while Galli sat in the back, probably making snarky comments while staving off the inevitable identity crisis that comes with such a large change in biology. Though aside from the occasional raider or mutated creature, the trip to New Appleloosa was uneventful. Nothing they could use to fix up Galli’s power armor yet, but maybe somepony there could help. At least, she was hopeful they wouldn’t shoot her as she approached the entrance.

For Galli the last couple of days had indeed been spent sitting in the back of the wagon making sarcastic flirtatious remarks at Snowflake [not that she'd have been opposed to anything if Snowflake called her out on the bluff] in an attempt to pass the time on the road. Fortunately it had indeed managed to keep the aforementioned identity crisis at bay, not that rarely taking off her armour so she didn't have to physically look at her self didn’t help, too.”

Even as the wagon trundled towards the few scattered train-cars that constituted New Appleloosa [for now] it was clear that a large caravan was in town. A convoy of at least a dozen wagons and carriages was assembled along one of the rail lines leading through the town, some were relatively new, some were re-purposed pre-war wagons, and all were covered in makeshift "armour" that had been awkwardly nailed or welded onto them. The bustling group of caravaners and hired guns  gathered around the convoy would prove to be a prelude of what New Appleloosa would grow to be over the next few decades but as of now this was the only business the future trade hub was getting.

It was needless to say Snowflake and Galli pulled up into town the pegasus and her book wagon  turned quite a few heads to say the least. A few of the townsponies slinked off into their homes or behind wagons as she passed. The caravan's guards, who looked to mostly be a motley band of griffons up close, shot a few glares her way.

Being mostly oblivious to anything that was going on, Galli banged against the wagon before calling out. "So I, uhhh... I'm picking up a lot of stuff on the ol' EFS right now so i gotta ask. Have we rolled into New Appleloosa or was there a huge raider camp you just really wanted to pull into for a candle-lit dinner & a shootout?"

Snowflake kept her head down as she passed the griffons, not wanting to make eye contact with them. She found a spot relatively distant from everyone else and parked the wagon there. “Yes, we’re in New Appleloosa. I was hoping we’d find some way to help you here, but…” She took a quick look at her surroundings. “Perhaps I was mistaken. Seems ponies here aren’t fans of strangers in power armor either. I guess it would be best if we keep moving. Where to from here?”

“Well, uuuuuhhh... I don’t actually know. That’s why we need to go here. Just... gimme a moment and I’ll handle it.” There was series of loud bangs and clanks from inside the wagon before Galli stumbled out of the back, almost immediately tripping and face planting into the dirt. “Okay, moving in this armour is still pretty hard. Snow, could you help me get over to that convoy, please?”

Snowy nodded, unhitched herself from the wagon, and went to help keep Galli on her hooves. “Alright, let’s just be quick about it.” She then helped Galli walk over to the convoy.

The mercs guarding the caravan once again fixed the pair with suspicious glares as they approached, one or two occasionally sniggering or outright bursting into laughter whoever Gallivanter would slip or stumble. Eventually reaching the caravan one of them, a huge griffon encased in a suit of crude metal plates and toting a sawed-off shotgun, came forward to meet them.
“The fuck do you want?” She snarled, “You trying to start trouble or just spook us by walking around in that shit cuz I’m telling ya.” She cocked her shotgun, “Ain’t fucking working either way.”

Gallivanter tried to limply raise a hoof and cleared her throat before replying. “Listen, stop with the tough talk because it really isn’t impressing me. We’re supposed to be going with the caravan and before you ask why...” She shifted awkwardly to show off the Steel Ranger insignia on her flank, “It’s what we in the business call ‘none of your damn business’. That’s for me and the head of this caravan to know so just tell me where she is so I can tell her we have arrived.”

“Oh, you’re that guy.” The griffon growled and huffed under her helm before gesturing at one of the larger wagons. “Reek’s in there. You’d better pray she ain’t so pissed about how fucking late you asshats were this time. Hard enough to do this shit without you dragging your hooves.” Before Gallivanter could reply she spread her wings and (rather clumsily) flew up to perch herself on top of one of the more heavily armoured wagons in The caravan.

Galli just shook her head and began hobbling towards the wagon the pair had been directed to while mumbling. “Fucking retard birds.”